Counting down the days until I leave for Canada. At the present time, I am at ten days. Just ten measly days until I set out on a new adventure. I’ll see Ottawa, Montreal, Quebec City, parts of Novia Scotia, and I’ll be popping over to Sussex, New Brunswick, to visit one very tall friend with one very sweet girlfriend. And with two strapping young Canadian gents to keep me company all the while.
It’s slightly frustrating when the best two weeks of your life linger only one week and three days ahead. It’s just a feeling I have in the warmest part of my heart. The part that tells me this is long overdue. And while I’m surrounded by voices (mostly belonging to me) reminding me of every worry, concern, and doubt that exists in life… There is comfort in the unknown. Like God bumping my shoulder and asking, “Remember that little thing I taught you called ‘faith’?”
So here I go. Plunging into dark waters. Rather, I feel as though I’ve plunged into way too much paint. It seems as though the orange and blue never wash off. I’ve been painting so much… I keep hoping, praying, that people will like my work and realize they cannot live without it and simply must buy more, more, more. Desperation seems a daily emotion for me. Nothing so bad to complain about, but enough to motivate me to just keep painting, just keep painting… Painting. Painting. Paint.
I’ve been painting so much that for the last week or more, I have neglected playing my guitar. But tonight, Amy asked if I would play some of her favourite tunes. When someone actually makes requests, I cannot deny them. For their asking is the purest form of flattery a musician can receive. So I played and played and got lost in lyrics I didn’t know were inside of me…
People tell me I can be whatever I want to be
But all I want to be is the girl by your side
Everyone says I can choose to do what I want
But all I want is to want you forever
But people don’t know how far I’d go
To prove that love is real
The world can’t catch me, that I know
I’m a secret you can’t steal
People think I was meant for certain things
The truth is, I was only meant for you
They scoff and ignore all my wildest dreams
Only because they’ve never dreamt before
Nothing seems to slow me down. Except for perhaps, a chick-flick and a couple of cookies. Other than that, I don’t ever stop. Even as I sit here, I’m thinking about all the the things I can do tomorrow. What I will do. What I must do. Sometimes, I feel as though responsibility gets in the way of my ambitions. I suppose that’s the way it’s got to be for now. One day, when I am financially adequate, my responsibilities will be my ambitions, and in that way, they won’t really feel like responsibilities anymore. Just another fun day in the life of one who’s living.