Is there anything in your life that is so important to you, it makes you weep? Two things are that important to me:

1. My love for Jesus Christ.

2. My love for playing the guitar.

Today, it was the second one that got to me. I have guitar lessons every Tuesday after school, and lately, the frustration has been building up so much, I can feel it in my throat. I fought the tears whenever my teacher would ask, “Do you follow?” or “You understand?” You see, it isn’t that my hands won’t physically do something that he wants me do, it something completely different. It’s guitar theory, which is all about numbers and memorization and calculating things and such. I hate it! It is one of the only things that I have come to actually hate! At the end of my lesson, I could barely speak. Hardly even a “Uh-huh” and “Ok” left my mouth, my eyes and cheeks were burning with frustration. The moment I heard the door click shut behind me, I broke into tears and wept the whole way home.

“Why can’t I understand what he’s trying to teach me? Why is it so many other people are able to get this stuff?”

And stoopid other things came to mind:

“Is it because I’m a girl? Because I’m a girl, should I play like girls? Can I not play rock music? Can I not be a punk? Because I’m a girl? Was that only meant for guys?” Like I said, ridiculous. But that’s how upset I was!

Leah, (newday101), called me tonight and I completely expressed my frustration to her. In fact, I nearly started crying all over again over the phone. This is obviously bothering me, but I’m not sure whether I should go to my teacher about it or not. He is a great teacher, and he’s helped me a lot, but I’m still frustrated. Leah helped a lot by just listening and allowing me to vent, but still, the frustration remains. I still don’t understand, and next Tuesday, I’m going to go back to Rick’s, like every week, and get more frustrated, and continue to listen, and concentrate, and study, and attempt to memorize, and do everything like I did the previous week. But that’s how much I love playing. I wish I could do it for a living. So, I won’t quit. I won’t quit the thing that I love. All this pain and frustration is worth going through for the love of playing.

We are experiencing some mild turbulence, but we predict some blue skies ahead.

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