My faith has waivered in the last year or so. I’ve started asking more questions, most of which have gone unanswered. And in desperate attempts to prove that God does not exist, I’ve only come to the same conclusion every time – Yes, He does. Would it be contradictory to call myself an Agnostic Christian? Because it’s how I feel.

A good friend loaned me a book by Philip Yancey, an author I attempted reading before, however got lost in things less interesting to do. However, a new book and an hour commute is convenient beneficial for spiritual nourishment.

Currently, I’m just over halfway through What’s So Amazing About Grace? and the part I’ve been able to relate to most was a chunk written in the chapter titled, “The New Math of Grace.” Yancey writes:

By instinct I feel I must do something in order to be accepted. Grace sounds a startling note of constradiction, of liberation, and every day I must pray anew for the ability to hear its message.

Eugene Peterson draws a contrast between Augustine and Pelagius, two fourth-century theologian opponents. Pelagius was urbane, courteous, convincing, and liked by everyone. Augustine squandered away his youth in immorality, had a strange relationship with his mother, and made many enemies. Yet Augustine started from God’s grace and got it right, whereas Pelagius started from human effort and got it wrong. Augustine passionately pursued God; Pelagius methodically worked to please God. Peterson goes on to say that Christians tend to be Augustinian in theory but Pelagian in practice. They work obsessively to please other people and even God.

Oh, how much I can relate to this…

Excellent book. Highly recommended to everyone, not just Christians. The book clearly explains how forgiveness and distribution of grace to others is an extremely unnatural thing to do, but our ability to choose to do so is what seperates humans from all other living things. Because if we are made in God’s likeness, then He must be unnatural also. And if we are unnatural, as God is unnatural, what other conclusion can be drawn other than that people are spiritual beings? It simply makes me wonder.

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