“The coolest part was that the entire encounter was just another way for God to talk to me. In a time when my faith was not as strong as I wanted, and fear and doubt were creeping in, I went there to spend time with God and he blessed me in a way I hadn’t even thought of.” – Ryan Wiedmaier

This is true. How often I forget. My faith always feels strongest when I find myself in deep spiritual conversation with someone who does not believe. Hence why I enjoy non-believers so much. They challenge me to think about the reasons why I believe the things I believe. Why I feel that “my truth” is the “only truth” and so on.

Once again, God feels distant. A perplexing idea I cannot contain; a Being who seems to know me beyond human comprehension; a relationship with which I betray the trust and friendship every single day, seemingly driving that invisible and ever-present wedge between God and me forever deeper…

I work every Sunday morning from 11:00 am to 6:00 pm. Even if I went to the early service at church, I would have to miss the last 20 minutes or so to make sure I’m at work on time. We have a new pastor now and I’ve heard he’s really good. I haven’t heard him speak at all. I don’t even know what he looks like. I still find myself wishing for Pastor Greg to come back, have a change of heart, to realize that pastoring Redwood Hills was his true passion… Pastor Greg! You need us! Oh, to dream…

Presently, I do not have a church. I do not have the company I wish I had. Right now, I have thoughts. I have my computer where the majority of my thoughts are being poured out. I have my paints and I have my guitar. I have silence and I have solitude. Occasionally, I have a phone call with a friend from outside my bedroom.

Generally, I have everything but the one thing I need. Closeness with my Father. That comes with effort, though… And I’ve lacked that.

Perhaps I should brush the dust off my Bible and see what it has to say about this kind of thing…

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