Friday night was an event I started preparing for the moment I said “sure” to Austin and Seth’s proposal. A total 30 minutes in the spotlight and I was finished. All the hype beforehand was overwhelming. So many friends came–so much more than I expected. My family came–unbelievable. The kids I babysit and their parents–incredible. People I know were coming at me left and right and from behind. Later, when you watch the video of the moments prior to my performance, you’ll see how distant my mind really was.

“Carly… Carly… Carly… Carly… Carly!” Kyle, my little brother and best friend, was about six inches away from my face. I finally look into the camera lens, suddenly hearing my name for the first time.

People were calling out my name so much Friday night, I fear I was oblivious to some very important people who came to support me. I’m not usually so distracted, separated, or inconsiderate–at least I try really hard not to be. No one is more important than the other. No one deserves more attention than the other. I know it’s true, but how do you distribute equal amounts of recognition or consideration? How do you not make someone feel left out?

I’m sorry! I’m sorry! It was not my intention to do such a selfish thing! All I remember is she came, even though she was sick! And not only did she come, but she brought her sister. When I saw her sister had come, my heart was blessed. I know her sister can sing like none other, but she wasn’t singing that night. I was. Although I wouldn’t have minded in the least if she had. I remember seeing them for about two minutes and that’s it. I don’t know where they went and I didn’t see them after I played. I should have gone running about in search of them, but like a jerk, I stood in one place while everyone came up to me and gave me their own version of a pat on the back.

“Thank you. I’m glad you enjoyed it,” I rehearsed this phrase after speaking with Dan from Red Virginia.

“You’d be insulting someone who loved your show by saying something like ‘Yeah, right!’ or ‘Shut up! I was awful!'”

“Thank you. I’m glad you enjoyed it.”

“That’s all you gotta say,” Dan may be the most sarcastic human being I’ve ever met on the face of the earth, but he still has intelligent things to say.

Honestly though… I really suck right now. I owe her a serious apology. I wish I knew what she thought about the show. Her opinion is one I really respect, but I obviously didn’t show her that on Friday night. Like I said, I really suck right now.

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