A Bunch of Little Big Things.

Elise is approaching her bone marrow transplant and I find myself increasingly nervous when I receive a new update. The doctors continue to say how “remarkable” her reactions have been to the treatment. I can only hope and pray that continued prayer for her and her family is what is responsible for these little miracles in the process of battling the leukemia. Praise God.

Next Monday is going to be a great day because George is moving back home. He’s been away for a few months now and he would say he is “more than ready” to come back. And I am so relieved. It’s been rough without him here considering how everyone’s schedules seem to conflict so much. Trying to squeeze in hang-out time with friends has been an excruciating process. I hardly see the girls I live with let alone friends from work or school. But George is my best friend and we’ll likely be inseparable once he gets here. Work will be a lot more fun too…

As for me, I’ve been going through my own emotional breakdown and reconstruction. It was around this time last year that things fell apart in my relationship with Andy. Against my own will, I find myself replaying moments from the past and afterwards, I’ll feel so angry. Too angry, in fact. I’d rather not think of him at all because when I do, I become bitter and overwhelmed with pity for him. I guess I’m ready (and quite anxious) for that part of my life to be completely behind me. I don’t want to remember it anymore. It’s not worth remembering. As much as I want to list out all the horrible things he ever did to me, it would accomplish nothing and it would be spiteful. And I know I’m better than that. So I won’t.

It’s going to be a lot better this year. I’m not alone and I feel incredibly strong from the relational beating I’ve received in the last year. It was an undeserved flogging of my already sensitive heart. But now, I feel prepared. So if anyone tries it again, I hope they’re prepared. Because I’ll come back just as strong.

I’m not just a dumb girl.

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